Grief Is A Bitch

griefGrief sucks.

It really, really sucks.

It just keeps on hurting and hurting and hurting…

You feel like you’re getting better and you’re getting a handle on things…

And then WHAMMO!!! It hits you again like a Mack truck! Runs you down like a damn freight train.

I know I have to feel it to be done feeling it, but dammit, I’m sick and tired of feeling it. Oh. My. God. I feel so worn out. So worn out. It’s exhausting, really exhausting. I wish I could fast forward through it. But apparently, that’s not a thing.’

So, I’m feeling it. Oh, am I feeling it. It kinda feels like a never-ending marathon. Yeah, it’s a Grief Marathon. I’ll be endlessly grateful when I see that finish line looming up ahead. But I’m just not there yet. And I have to say, that sucks.
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The Universe Is Working On My Behalf

Ralph Smart's videos make me smile.

Ralph Smart’s videos make me smile. This was a big improvement from how I woke up.

I’ve been meaning to tell you that Ralph Smart’s videos are beyond the bomb-diggity! Beyond! He has a YouTube channel called, Infinite Waters (Diving Deep.) I’m so grateful for his work.He’s really helping me get through a very difficult time in my life.

I hit a major depressive episode in July 2015 when my dad got a lot sicker. I’m still tromping through it, but I definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel. And that part is exhilarating.

So What Happened?

Well, my dad passed away in June of this year. And my 24 year relationship imploded. The sad tries to drown me sometimes.

But Ralph puts me in a stronger heartspace to be able to deal. Sometimes, he just keeps my head above water, like dog paddling. And that’s definitely a big break from being stuck under the water. Quite often, though, after listening to him, I get in a very okay place.

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Decision-Making Is Hard

Do you ever get so confused about something that you have no idea what to do? And it feels like you’re stuck in mud?

Some decisions can really fuck with our heads. There’s really nothing other that you can do than to get quiet and go inside. Go deep inside to your gut and look for your answers. There are many things that can help you on this adventure to discover what’s inside of you.

One of my favorite inner journey tools is actually YouTube. Weird, huh? There’s an entire community of mindful YouTubers that are just awesome. You can find audios of all kinds to help you: hypnosis, subliminal messages, guided meditations, binaural beats, isochronic tones, etc.
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Good Morning And #SaturdaySmarts

Tech Learning Online Good morning, humans, cyborgs, definitely giant dogs and elephants, and, oh what the hay — ALL creatures and beings out there! 😉

I’ve been digging into all kinds of (free) elearning courses. The paid ones definitely look great, too — no dis on them at all, I’m just a little tapped at the moment. One day soon, though…

On my agenda today — brush up on my HTML and CSS skills, begin to learn Ruby. And possibly dip into an Excel course, too.

I’m hoping that learning Excel will be like going from learning Spanish to learning Italian — with its having loads of similarities to Google Sheets. I learned a lot in Sheets, working with the ever-awesome, Luria Petrucci.
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Organic Cotton Hippie T-Shirts

Soul-Flower’s Spring Line 2015 is out now and they have some fabulous new organic cotton hippie t-shirts for us in the line-up.

One of my favorite things from their shop is actually the men’s t-shirts. Ooh, and the organic cotton hippie t-shirts are so ridiculously soft. They feel so good and so comfy!

Organic Cotton Hippie T-shirt

Be Groovy Men’s Recycled T-Shirt

They have a ~*~groovy~*~ new shirt out that I am so diggin’! It is the Be Groovy Men’s Recycled T-Shirt. They’ve taken a far out saying from the Flower Power age (“Be Groovy Or Leave Man”) and have revived it on this gorgeous shirt! It’s 50% organic cotton and 50% recycled plastic — how cool is that? Personally, I think that’s awesome.
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Death Is Nothing At All

Henry Scott HollandWow. Just found this poem on a friend’s Facebook wall. Powerful and gentle at the same time.

I had a very dear and wonderful friend, after whom I named my daughter, who passed away when my daughter was just six months old. And my daughter’s middle name is from my maternal grandmother. Really, it’s a family name — it’s my mother’s middle name, too. My great grandmother started it all, though hers was slightly different.

Her name was Clara Pence (hmm…wonder what her middle name was… going to have to look that up when I get done here,) then her daughter, Clare Mae Pence Roper, then her daughter, Judi Clare Roper Burnett, and then my daughter, Samantha Clare Roberson.

One month after she was born, after I’d signed the birth certificate, I realized that I wanted her legal, full name to be Samantha Clare *Mae* Roberson. I was so disappointed I’d not thought of doing that a month before. It was one of those kick yourself in the butt moments. “Why didn’t I do that?! Ugh!”
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What The Hell, Man?!

Geoffrey Peterson
Yes, in the immortal words of our Most High, Geoffrey Peterson, beloved, robot skeleton.

What the hell, man?!

For any of my readers whose lives are devoid of these two hilarious dudes, Geoff is Mr. Craig Ferguson’s trusty sidekick on The Late, Late Show.

(Was his sidekick? 🙁 The Late, Late Show ended and now Craig is doing a funny game show instead.)
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George Clooney, Emotions, And Headaches

Just stayed up waaaaaaaaay past my bedtime to watch George Clooney in Descendants, I think it was called. Deliciously emotional.

Powerfully emotional movies leave me, oftentimes, having to remind myself that the characters’ pain is not my pain. Strange and kind of discombobulating.

I think past hurts/situations/dramas/traumas just get kind of dredged up from within. They pop up to the surface, often without clarity, and intermingle with the characters’ emotions.

A big soupy mix of my past emotions, the characters’ emotions, and my current bystander, secondhand emotions watching their scenes play out.

Weird. Like how smells can transport you to some other time, place, atmosphere…
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Ain’t That The Truth!

  1. People who’ve had three 10 lb. babies should be exempt from coughs.
  2. People with chronic migraines should be exempt from coughs.
  3. People with coughs should be exempt from allergy attacks.
  4. Puppies with huge, gaping surgical wounds should be exempt from tummy problems.

Puppy and I have spoken. Let it be.

Stay Groovy!
Lisa Marie Mary